wake
between what i'm seeing
and what i know is possible
i realise i'm dreaming.
and it's at this point i know i'm in control
this story - with it's nonsensical plot
i can change it
i can make it my own
these people - caricatures of actual characters
they don't exist
i can make them go away
and so i do
i change the story
and i make this dream my own
and the people dissolve
the scene shifts
and i'm left alone
and now i can't think of what to do
because i don't have a plan
i've made this world
and i am GOD in this place
free to do what i want
but all i want to do is wake up
fear
BREATHE
that's what i'm thinking
fear is the first thing
before i even realise what's happening
it's the fear
it's the fear that makes me aware
jolts me from my state
it grips my chest, tight
just like all the clichés
it's the fear that make my heart beat
beat like it might break
beat so hard i can feel it in my back
and i can't breathe
but that's all i can do
and i can't move
but that's all i want to do
and i can't think
because i'm dying
and all i can think is BREATHE
and i've done this enough times now
been here enough times
to know it's me that makes the fear
but it's the fear that changes things
because i can't think
because all i can think is breathe
past tense
after the fact
my memories of the events
these pieces of me
they are slipping away
and it's like a dream
-
reflection
i sit awake in bed
you next to me
the memories of my night fading
last night i dreamed
and now i search my head
looking for traces
moments left from events i created
impossible memories
but each time i take hold
they collapse under my touch
too precious for my clumsy hands
too elaborate for my simple head
-
recursion
and now i sit
alone in bed
the memories of our life - slipping
and it's like a dream